This weekend was funny. I was hoping to have an early night on Friday; I really should have known that me plus a Wilkinson is most definitely not a recipe for sobriety. Slightly gutted we didn't go to the cinema. Obviously, crayfish chats and hot chocolate compensated. Went back to Issy's with cider. Attempted to watch the Breakfast Club. Naaaaaaaah. Then we watched Urban Legends, later in the night when i decided to wander around Islip in order to destroy garden ornaments I regretted that. I was expected knives in my back at any second. So I went back to Abi and jumped in her bush (hohoho - the horticultural variety). It was ace. We consumed at least four bottles of wine (possibly more) and countless cigarettes. I rang directory enquiries on the most amazing phone in the world, "Hi, I'm writing a book and I need to find another word for 'gay'. My friend suggested turd-burglar but I'm not sure. Any ideas...?". After much discussion with her colleague Julie, the nice lady came up with "Bender". Awh. Yeah, and then it was the next morning. Somehow. Woke up to discover that after I'd collapsed in Tom's bed, Abi had decided to cut herself an art fringe. HAHAHA. We made eggs and discussed spring rolls. Found that at some point I'd tried to steal a dumb bell (why??). We went into Oxford at about 2, played connect four at the train station and abi moaned constantly about how she'd become everything she hated, looks like a belle and sebastian fan. Blaaah. I like it, though. Visited Issy. Wandered around Oxford ("QUELLE BOOTS!") being scared by all the people and clinging to each other in still-drunken camaraderie. With Issy's blessing we went to get a half of cider - but then figured we might as well have a "whole hair of dog, instead of just half...". This brilliant logic rendered me nigh on incapacitated, talking bollocks to an old school friend on the bus. Vomited outside the ballet school (mmm) and then accidentally called my mother a cunt. Staggered into the shower, some clean clothes and into the car so I could go and see OTHER Abi ready for her birthday meal. Arrived, met lovely German Julia and opened weird cocktails, archers shnappzzzzzz and margarita stuff. Lucy, Katherine, Mike, Meadows, Hamish and Ben arrived. And then the LIMO came and I was well over-excited. Obviously, with names like "Hamish", the others are all loaded and were completely non-plussed. Drove around Oxford listening to club remixes of every amazing song ever and drinking complimentary champagne. and vodka. got to old orleans, wrote rude things all over the table cloth and harassed the waiter with Katherine. They also gave us champagne, and huge jugs of cocktails on the house. Lots of other people were there, but I can't really remember their names. Except for GOR! yeah. Go Gor! Abi's hot so basically it was a bunch of hot posh boys with silly names. I realised I was drunk after giving the waitress some of my champagne (she was ace) and forgetting whether I was supposed to be going up or down the stairs midway. Then the cake came, I played Connect 4 with the miscellaneous males (who were all actually very nice) and THRASHED Meadows. Gutted. Then they all went to Mood or somewhere along those lines and Kathryn and I staggered/slid along to the Zodiac. "hello bella"/"laaaaaaaaaadies"/"I'M GOING TO HUG A BIN!"/sick boy/pervert man/me falling over/walking down the iffley road. oops?/french/german accents. It was a thrill a minute. Kathrine was overjoyed to see the "Adonis" bouncer on the door, he was almost as great as mike/mark/whatever my favourite one's called. Then there was lots of alcohol and my sharona and dancing and abi (wilkinson) vomming in the sink causing hannah and i to vomit, too. mmm. And an unusla proportion of hot men. OH AND PEOPLE MAKING ME LIMBO. and me doing it but then slipping over at the end, thus totally ruining my achievement. and a scary man filming me. and an evil evil wench trying to get me thrown out because she knows how old I am. Fair enough if she didn't serve me but I've spoken to her and made a real effort to be nice to her despite the fact that all instincts suggested I should do otherwise. She sent the bouncers over to ID me, but, either they accidentally ID'd Abi (w) OR they're amazing and knew she meant me but because it was Adonis and my favourite one decided to be amazingly nice. Went upstairs for a while, was actually well good up there. Hannah found someone more drunk than us to look after. I laughed at her. Horrible person that I am. Aaaand then Abi (birthday girrrrrl) was in the Zodiac and Take That was playing and there was a mini cab waiting outside and I had to go and I was well confused. Got in the taxi, to find everyone else kind of sleepy and quiet. I was immensely hyper and kept rolling off my seat. How annoying. And then Johnny rang to hear the noise Ed makes. And then I had to play "the quiet game". Aaand Abi and I had a rather fun fight in her bed and, basically, looked like complete lesbians but it was fiiiine. Had lots of fags out of her window. Ben and Meadows found a brown stain in Abi's bed and I laughed so much I've totally lost my voice. Meadows and I started/finished a bottle of lambrini and a bottle of pinot grigio. Played about 6 million games of connect 4. he won one. Gutted again. Then we decided to do the sheisha. Spent about 20 minutes trying to make it work, and eventually gave up. Everyone snored. The boys left at like 8 in the morning for their important rugby match and I tried to read up my torn up copy of nightshift that was for some reason strewn all over Abi's room. Gave up. Had a really long wee. Went downstairs and was ever so close to vomiting when the girl on Hollyoaks did. Then my mum came and picked me up, and I came home and fell asleep leaning against the stairs. I still feel ill. This weekend has been so bad for my liver, I'm finally sober after about 46 hours of utter intoxication. Still, I made a conscious effort to behave myself and all things considered I think I controlled myself very well.

EDIT: have just realised Chris, one of the boys there, was the one who puked all over the back of my bus seat a couple of months ago. HAAAAAAA. If only I'd worked that out sooner...